whats going on

ive been reading a little bit more with my free time recently and it just makes my stance on feminism all confusing. in fact, what doesnt? i would hate to say feminism is one thing, is anything but freedom to choose, because it has to be such a flexible movement.

i've been reading about the differences in liberal, radical, christian based feminism and seen good and bad points in each. the problem i encounter within all is that most are bound to certain ideals, to changing one thing, blaming one thing. but how is that helpful?

i get confused a lot being a feminist, or trying to be one, because i feel my beliefs are under constant speculation from people, feminists and not alike. and thats a lot of pressure. im aware that to some i live up to the patriachal society that is laid out infront of me, but at the same time i flout conventions set up for me.

im aware i embody certain male characteristics to prove myself in work, but i know being a man, being like a man, isnt what i strive for as a feminist. maybe i set myself up for a fall putting my movements down as male characteristically, but by type, by form for many years the way i work within a business is seen as a very masculine movement. i act, i suppose, more manly when in groups of males, ...

im confusing myself. im in the need to blog constantly about nothing at the moment. i suppose as i wait to start a new job im trying to re establish some sort of character and identity. i suppose when you are aware of the constraints that hold you in place it is so easy to get confused by them, by trying to get by living aside them while breaking them to let yourself live a life youre comfertable with.

bloody hell.